Doctor Appointment 1/31/11

I had an appt with Dr. A today and I was dilated 1 cm and partially effaced.  Head is very low down there, as it has been… guess those things don’t matter too much when you are being induced, but I think the point is to see if I could be getting close to going into labor on my own?  since they want to make sure I stop my medications first.  Anyways, As long as everything keeps looking good and I don’t have any signs of labor, he probably wont be here until 2/21/11.  That may be my new son’s B-day.  It’s getting VERY exciting.  I can’t wait to meet him.  I already talk to him everyday when I’m alone..  Like the first time I feel him in the morning I tell him good morning and I like to play my favorite all time songs for him when I’m in the car.  I’m just a nutty mother I guess.  I still feel like I have so much to do, but it’s really not that bad.  I want to get Caleb a big brother book.  I told Ryan today that my mom will bring Caleb to the hospital when its almost time and after Jacobs born I want Caleb to get to come in first with us before other visitors. He should have special big brother treatment.  I think it should be just us for a minute you know.  He’s been the only one for so long.  I want him to be very included and want him to feel very important.  I think that is when it will be more real to him.  He knows a baby’s coming, but I don’t think he has any idea what to expect.  I know he will love him very much.   I cannot wait!  I’m so beyond happy that Caleb is actually going to have a sibling.  I worried about that for so long now.

I go to get another sono/biophysical tomorrow.  I know I’m pretty lucky to get so many pictures of my baby.  It is SO reassuring to see him often when you don’t have much faith in your own body to keep your child safe.  I think that’s why I am so anxious for him to be here.  Of course I want to see him and I am slightly miserable most of the time, but mostly I’m so afraid of what could happen in there without me knowing it.   I was thinking recently that maybe that’s the main reason that I don’t enjoy pregnancy as much as a lot of girls do.  I don’t trust this body.  I trust God though and he’s really blessing me more than ever this year.  I guess 20 more days and I will get to hold my Jake.